


007

by brightclam, Killmongerrrr



Category: The Get Down (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Don't copy to other sites, M/M, Pride, ball culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 16:58:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19430227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightclam/pseuds/brightclam, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killmongerrrr/pseuds/Killmongerrrr
Summary: Some day he wants to be able to live as his true self. And maybe, it would be okay for him to want that.





	007

Dizzee enters the room, throwing his keys down in the bowl on top of the cabinet near the front door. Thor’s pair of keys are there too, so he must be home. Dizzee shrugs off his button covered jacket and begins to hang it up in the front closet. There’s the sound of shifting and he turns to see someone reclining on their couch. A trail of smoke wafts up from his lit blunt and he grins at Dizzee, looking perfectly at home. Dizzee grins back, glad to see him. Shaolin smirks and speaks:

“Thor let me in. Hope that’s alright?”

Dizzee walks over to the couch where Shaolin is lying and clasps their hands together.

“Of course, man. You’re welcome anytime.”

Dizzee shrugs off his shoes and pushes at Shaolin’s shoulders, moving him from a lying position to sitting up and then joins him on the couch, sitting next to him. Shao holds out the blunt:

“You want some, my alien brother?”

Dizzee shakes his head, relaxing back into the couch and closing his eyes.

“Thanks man but nah.”

Shao shrugs and goes back to smoking, relaxing more the longer he’s in Dizzee’s presence.

“Your loss.”

There’s the sound of approaching footsteps, and they both turn to the door that leads into the kitchen. Thor stands there, his hair pulled back into a ponytail and a frilly apron tied around his waist. He smiles cheerfully at them.

“Hey Dizz. I’m working on some chicken for dinner. You want me to bring you guys some tea?”

Dizzee considers that, looking at Shao for his opinion. Shao doesn’t usually drink tea, but he thinks he’d be willing to try it. Dizzee and Thor bring that out of him a lot, the willingness to try new things. Shao nods to Dizzee and he responds to Thor:

“That sounds great, Thor. What kind of tea do you want, Shao?”

Shao laughs and shakes his head.

“I got no idea what types there are. Whatever you think is best.”

Dizzee smiles at him, then turns back to Thor.

“I’ll have black with cream, and how about some green for Shao?”

Thor nods and disappears back into the kitchen. There’s the whistling of a kettle and the light clanking of pans as he works. Dizzee and Shao both relax back into the couch. After a few moments of silence, Shao asks:

“So, Dizz. What was it that you wanted to ask me about?”

Dizz smiles, a nervous edge to it makes Shao’s stomach flip with concern.

“Well, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Shao tosses his head, thumping it down on the back of the couch.

“Come on man, you know I can take it.”

Dizzee smiles ruefully at him.

“Alright. So Thor and I have a ball coming up, and we wanted to know if you might be interested in coming. You could even walk if you wanted to.”

Shao’s stomach drops. He wasn’t as prepared as he thought for that. He knows a little bit about the balls that Thor and Dizzee participate in, but he’s never been to one. He knows they’re a place where one can, and often is expected to be, openly gay. He’s been working on coming more to terms with his alien side, but he’s still hesitant. Coming to a ball, let alone walking in one, would be a big step forward. Towards being out, being open, being endangered. Having the chance that he might be rejected and abused. 

Dizzee and Thor of course would always be there for him. But what about all the other people in their life? Is he brave enough to look them in the face and possibly see hatred there? He’s not sure that’s something he’s ready for yet. He shakes his head and responds to Dizzee, not looking him in the eye.

“Dizz man, that’s a lot to ask. Can I have some time to think about it?”

Dizzee smiles gently at him and scoots over to sit closer to him, taking one of his hands.

“Of course, Shao. We would never want to pressure you into something you don’t feel ready for. But we want you to know the option is there if you want it. Someday I want you to find a home, somewhere you can be truly yourself. And that’s what the balls are for.”

Shao bows his head, feeling overwhelmed by the love that Dizzee is expressing for him. He’s still not good at talking about his feelings.

“I know Dizz. And I really do want to. I’m just not sure I’m ready.”

Dizzee nods. 

“Take your time and think about it.”

\-------------

Zeke is in town for the summer, taking his time off from school. He’s enjoying his time up there in white boy college land, and Shao is doing his best to be happy for him. Still, he’s glad Zeke is home. He doesn’t feel right when his wordsmith isn’t around. He tries not to think about that too much. It whispers in the back of his head: that he’s too attached to Zeke, that what he feels for Zeke is unnatural. He pushes it down and does his best to ignore it.

He knocks on the door to Zeke’s apartment, waiting to be let in. He hears footsteps behind the door and leans nonchalantly on the railing as he waits. Finally the door swings open, revealing his wordsmith. Zeke beams when he sees him, smile so bright it feels like it could set Shao on fire. He’s also shirtless, wearing just pajama pants, and it makes Shao’s breath catch. He does his best to ignore the urge to let his eyes wander over Zeke’s chest and smiles awkwardly.

“Hey Books. How are you?”

Zeke grins and gestures for him to come inside.

“I’m good, Shao. Come on inside.”

As Shao steps inside their bare shoulders brush just barely, but it feels like someone has hit Shao with an electric shock. A tingly feeling runs through his limbs and he gasps for breath for a moment. His stomach is tossing and turning and feels like it’s full of butterflies. Then the moment passes and he’s just following Zeke down the hallway like nothing has happened.

They make it into the main room and Shao plops down into an armchair. Zeke finds a shirt and pulls it on, Shao watching the flex of the muscles in his arms as he does so. Suddenly Shao is aching inside, aching for something he doesn’t even understand himself. He doesn’t know what it is he wants, only that he wants it so badly, so desperately. He feels this way around Zeke a lot, a feeling he doesn’t want to name curling around his chest and squeezing.  
He shakes his head, trying to push the feeling down before Zeke can ask him what’s wrong. He must succeed, because Zeke settles down across from him and asks:

“So why did you want to come over, Shao?”

Shao shrugs, trying not to act like he’s upset, even though he sort of is.

“Just wanted to talk about something with you.”

Zeke pulls his legs up and sits cross legged in his chair, settling in.

“Shoot, man.”

Shao hesitates for a moment, but steels himself and continues:

“Dizzee wants me to go to a ball with him and Thor.”

Zeke nods, unphased.

“That’s cool! I’ve been to one with them before, the voguing is amazing. I think you would really enjoy it if you went.”

Shao chews on his lip, thinking of all the things he’s not saying. All the things he’s hiding from Zeke.

Suddenly, he wants so desperately to tell him the truth. To just come out and say it, say that he’s gay and maybe, just maybe, he’s in love with his best friend.

But no.

Not yet. He’s not ready yet.

But still, he suddenly realizes that someday he does want to tell the truth. Some day he wants to be out. Some day he wants to be able to live as his true self. And maybe, it would be okay for him to want that. Maybe he can even have it. Maybe his friends will accept him. Maybe it will all be okay.

He stands up abruptly, Zeke staring at him in surprise.

“Is it okay if I step out and make a phone call?”

Zeke nods.

“Of course, go ahead.”

Shao makes his way back out to the stairwell and leans on the railing, punching in Dizzee’s number. The phone rings for what feels like forever before Dizzee finally picks up.

“Hello?”

“Dizz, this is Shao. I want to do it. I want to go to the ball.”

\--------‘  
“Is this really necessary man? I’m not even walking.” Shao says, his arms overloaded with heaps of colorful clothing. 

“You still gotta look nice.” Dizzee laughs, pulling a yellow jacket off of a clothing rack. “This would look great on you.” He says, holding it up to Shao’s chest. 

“Now when have you ever seen me wear yellow?” Shao grumbles, turning his body away. He still isn’t used to this, the compliments and open admiration. It makes him feel weird about himself. He doesn’t wanna say it makes him feel loved because that would be getting too deep in his feelings. 

Dizzee pauses to think. “Only the universe will know when you choose to do so.” He continues, looking off to the side and pausing for dramatic effect. 

Shao deadpans. “Nigga... what?

Dizzee rolls his eyes. “Nothing nothing, nevermind.” He says, then pushes him towards the dressing rooms. “We don’t got all day, go try that on before we get kicked out.” 

“Ain’t you the one who been-“

“And make sure you show me when you’re done!” He exclaims, fully shoving Shao into a room and shutting the door, leaving him standing in the middle of the room.

Looking at himself in the mirror, he just feels awkward. He drops the pile of clothing on the bench and watches himself, pulling his jacket and shirt off and dumping them both on the floor. The first thing he does is set the disco-looking shit to the side. He’s not gonna walk into this place looking like a ghetto ass Cadillac. He doesn’t even know why Dizzee picked that shit out.

He puts on what he only really likes, which is a red bomber jacket with sequins all over it and a black collar. It’s not at all quite different from his other stuff, just a bit more showy than usual. He likes how the sequins reflect red light against the wall of the dressing room; makes him feel all childish as he waves his arms and watches the lights.

The jacket is really the only thing he likes, so he settles for a black, glittery mesh shirt and black leather pants that show off a bit more than he’s comfortable with. Otherwise he’s use to this. He doesn’t need to go completely out of his comfort zone just yet.

“Nigga you almost done? I’m bored as hell.” 

“Yeah yeah, hold on.” He yells, sliding his pumas on then walking out.

He tries to put up a confident front, which drops into more awkwardness when he sees Dizzee’s face.

“Uh uh.” Dizzee says.

“What? You don’t like the fit?”

“Nah it’s not that, where are the shoes I picked out for you?”

Shao sucks his teeth, crossing his arms. “You know damn well imma look like a fuckin’ fool tryna walk in those.”

Dizzee shakes his head and walks into the dressing room, picking up red platformed shoes from the disco shit he’d thrown aside. “C’mon man, these would look great on you.”

“Dizzee, I love you, but I’m not stepping foot in those. They’re fucking ugly anyway” 

With an exasperated sigh, Dizzee sits them down. “At least lose the pumas nigga, we going to a special event.” 

“Don’t worry man I got some shoes of my own, I wore them with Zeke this one time.” 

“Oh, with Zeke? Interesting.” Dizzee says, taking measure to look away as he gathers up the strewn clothing.

Shao covers his face and groans. “It’s not even like that.”

“Like what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You know exactly what- I don’t even like him so stop looking at me like that.”

Dizzee turns towards him, calmly sliding a coat back on its hanger.

Shao crosses his arms. “Ok whatever, he’s a little nice on the eyes. It’s not like he’d go for someone like me anyway.” 

Dizzee gives him a sad smile and pats him on the shoulder, walking past to go hang up the clothing. “Just give it a chance, your energies would never choose wrong. Now go get changed so we can go buy your fit.”

Yet again, Shao doesn’t know what he’s talking about, though it is halfway encouraging. He doesn’t understand Dizzee’s whole thing with spiritualism and energies, but it does help to take some anxiety off his chest.

He walks out of the shop looking forward to this ball instead of dreading it. He’s excited to be going somewhere that just might accept him. 

———-  
It’s the night of the ball and Shao’s temple is a mess. He knew he shouldn’t have waited until the last minute to find his shoes, and he’s starting to regret it. Dizzee was suppose to be here in 30 minutes and here he was panicking over something that he could’ve gotten over with earlier. He’s about to say ‘fuck it’ and just wear his pumas until he finally finds them in the most obvious place ever. They’re sitting perfectly right next to his turntables, and he’d be mad at himself if he didn’t have shit to do. 

He’s putting on his jacket when he hears a familiar voice. 

“Yo Shao!” Zeke yells. “You busy? I know it’s late but I wrote something!” 

He freezes, and opts to stay perfectly silent. Maybe if he doesn’t move or breathe, Books will forget about him and go home.

“Yo I know you up! Ya lights are on.” A pause. “I’m coming in!” 

Shao’s eyes widen, and he scrambles to take off his jacket; tries to act normal when Zeke comes striding in. He leans against his turntables, and smiles at him with all teeth.

Zeke stops. “Ok.. what’s going on?” 

Shao laughs nervously. “What? Nothing, I was in the middle of uhh- sleeping.” 

“In leather pants? Why you dressed so nice fo- Ooohh.” Zeke smiles. “The ball is today right? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Shao shrugs, scratching the back of his head. “Don’t get any ideas, I’m just going for Dizzee and Thor, yknow?” 

He really wants to tell him, but he can’t bring himself to do it. Logically he knows Zeke wouldn’t just up and drop him, but he knows things wouldn’t be the same. He knows what happens when people know you’re different; they stop touching you and saying nice things to you till something they regret slips out. And that something keeps slipping out till they don’t regret it anymore and it becomes something like a new name. 

He doesn’t want them to end up like that.

“Ok I see you!” 

He blinks, and he must’ve zoned out cause Zeke is holding his jacket, inspecting it like it’s something interesting. 

“Dizzee pick this out for you? Cause I know damn well you wouldn’t wear this by choice.” 

Shaolin flushes and snatches the jacket from him. “This is for the ball, I can’t have you ripping the sequins off.” He says, pulling it on.

Books smiles. “It looks cute on you.” He says, and his hands go up to fix Shao’s collar. Like that, his worries somehow melt away. It’s as if they weren’t there to begin with.

He laughs, “Man I ain’t cute.” 

They’re so close and it takes everything in him not to lean in. But god he loves it when Zeke compliments him, it makes him feel so above this world. He breathes out a pleasant sigh when Zeke’s hands brush up against his neck, and he feels those same hands slide up to brush his jawline. 

Dazed and half-lidded, he whispers, “I have to tell you something.” And he’s ready to pour out his entire soul.

“Anything, conductor.” Zeke whispers back, and he’s about to confess everything he’s ever kept secret when another voice interrupts his thoughts. 

“Yo Shao! I’m outside!” Dizzee yells.

Shao jumps, flinching away from Zeke, who looks momentarily shocked before bursting into a fit of laugh. “Shut up man you’re so loud.” He says, looking anywhere but at him. If he had any hopes of keeping Zeke’s visit discreet, they’ve been crushed by now. “I gotta go, see you tomorrow?”

Books shrugs and drops his hands. “Yeah yeah, I’ll probably drop by later.” 

And with that, he hurriedly scrambles out, groaning the entire time about missed opportunities.

Dizzee, who’s standing there with Thor, laughs when he sees him. “Who was up there with you?”

Shao shrugs nonchalantly. “It was just Books. You know him, he wrote some stuff and wanted me to check it out. Nothing less nothing more.” 

They both share a knowing look, but he pointedly ignores them.  
\--------

Dizzee leads Shao through the city, the streets and alleyways dark and gleaming in the starlight. There’s a strange sense of peace, being out in the city late at night, that Shao remembers from when he would go bombing. He misses graffiti, maybe he should pick it up again? Dizzee and Thor would be overjoyed, he knows. Speaking of Thor, he’s a few steps behind them, struggling with the hem of his dramatic cape. It’s a massive thing, made up of hundreds of scraps of random fabric that he’d painstakingly sewn together. Dizzee is wearing a matching piece on his jacket, tying them together in a way they particularly enjoy. 

Finally, they reach the venue for tonight’s ball. They can hear the thumping of bass before they even step inside, making the building seem to tremble with excitement. Dizzee pushes open the door, red paint on his nails matching the red painted door, and a wonderland unfolds in front of them. Lights flash, flaring off the disco ball over their head and reflecting off the jewelry in the audience. People cheer and shout, an overlapping hum of voices that’s hard for Shao to separate into anything coherent.

Thor and Dizzee change as they walk inside, standing taller and straighter, as if this is where they truly belong. Shao wishes he could do the same, but instead he feels like he’s shrinking. His mind is whirling with fear and what ifs: what if he shouldn’t have come? What if they don’t want him here? What if he can’t find a home here, even though he so desperately wants to? Finally, he pushes down the thoughts and squares his shoulders, stepping inside.

Thor and Dizzee lead him up a crowded spiral staircase. As they pass a pair of women, one leans out and runs her fingers over Shao’s jacket and coos:

“Ooh honey, you are looking fine.”

Shao grins crookedly, half embarrassed and half flattered. He may not be interested in women but he’ll take the compliment when it’s given.

They make their way up to the second floor, squeezing into a small space that should really fit two, not three people. Shao is squished between Dizzee and Thor, their sides pressed together. Really, the closeness and contact should make him feel trapped, but instead he starts to feel safer. Dizzee and Thor are true friends and he’s glad to have them. Below them, Pakoussa steps on the small stage at the front of the room, the crowd surging and cheering for him. He grabs a mike and speaks into it with a confidence that makes envy rattle through Shao:

“Ladies, Gentlemen and beautiful inbetweens, welcome to tonight’s ball! Y’all better be serving up some realness, right?”

The crowd screams louder, and confetti starts to spiral down from somewhere. Shao tries to look up to see where it’s coming from but the lights are too blinding for him to see. Pakoussa struts across the stage to lean on the judges table, continuing:

“Our first category is...face! I expect y’all to be looking be-you-tiful!”

People begin to walk down the makeshift runway, framing their faces and strutting their stuff. Shao watches them, amazed by the variety of people. They’re every shade, every gender, every size that you could ever imagine. And none of them are anything but confident in themselves. It makes Shao wonder, if they’re so confident in themselves, why can’t he be?

Thor shifts next to him, pulling away from the railing. He raises his voice to be heard over the crowd:

“I’d better go get in line. The fashion category is soon.”

Dizzee leans forwards and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

“You’ll do amazing, darling. Make our house proud.”

Thor disappears into the crowd and Dizzee turns back to Shao, smiling widely.

“So, what do you think?”

Shao hesitates, his first instinct is to be flippant and brush the question off. But when he thinks about it, Dizzee deserves to know the truth of how much this is affecting him.

“It’s amazing. It’s making me feel...a way I don’t know how to explain.”

Dizzee laughs and nods.

“I know what you mean. Don’t worry, it’ll be less overwhelming after you first time.”  
It’s an inherent offer for Shao to come back next time, and it makes him feel warm with affection. He thinks, maybe after he gets used to it, that he could find a home here, amongst these beautiful free people.

Below them, Pakoussa calls out:

“And the next category is fashioooooon! These better be the best looks of the night, people!”

Dizzee leans over the railing as far as he can, cheering loudly for Thor. Shao hooks a hand into his jacket, just in case, and leans over to watch as well. Thor struts out, walking down the runway like he belongs there. He stops to pose, swirling the cape around him. Pakoussa howls:

“Who’s this young’n? From the house of Renaissance comes the god of thunder himself!”

The crowd screams louder than before and Dizzee and Shao raise their voices, joining in with the cheer. Thor pauses before the judges, making sure they get a good look, and then makes his way back. Dizzee hops excitedly in place and then turns to Shao:

“I’m going to go down to congratulate him. I’ll be right back.”

Shao nods and Dizzee runs off, thrumming with pride for his boyfriend. Shao leans on the railing, feeling a little insecure now that he’s alone but trying not to show it. Below him, Pakoussa yells:

“Look at this! An 007! Any house would be lucky to have her!”

That brings back a wave of memories; cause in truth, this wasn’t his first ball. Long ago, before he’d found his wordsmith or Dizzee, when he was just starting to write. He had wandered into a ball without understanding it’s true meaning, and once he’d realized, he’d run off, scared by being around people that reminded him of a part of himself he was ashamed of. A kind lady, who had then wanted to take him under her wing, had referred to him as an 007. It meant someone who walked who wasn’t affiliated with a house, who hadn’t found their home yet.

When he named himself Shao 007, that had been what he had been thinking about. Being someone who was alone for the moment, but wouldn’t always be. Someone with a future, with the promise of a home. That had been what he wanted then, and it was still what he wanted now.

“Shao?” He hears a voice.

He turns around and there Zeke stands, dark skin bathed in a plethora of warm lights. He’s dressed in some type of disco-esque fit and he laughs; asks him if that’s the only thing he could think of to wear. And as Books grins that gapped smile of his and laughs that laugh of his, he can’t help but fall deeper.

With people like him surrounding him at all angles, Shao feels at home. The color around him blooms in his chest, like something itching to be let out and freed. So when he leans in and his wordsmith meets him halfway, he realizes this is the future he’s been waiting for.


End file.
